The Way Christians Pray – The Bothersome and the Ridiculous:

1.   The “hedge of protection”

This one is pretty common, but it still bothers me and I can’t really say why.  Maybe it’s because I can’t seem to find a Bible verse to support it.  Maybe it’s because I associate the word “hedge” with the movie Over the Hedge and I can’t take it seriously.  Maybe it’s because if I only have a simple hedge protecting me, I actually feel kind of exposed and vulnerable and semi-defenseless.  Stand back, fiend!  I have a hedge of protection around me!  How do you like me NOW?! Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s like a Jesus hedge so it’s probably bullet proof and all that.  Really, I love that people pray this over me.  If someone prays this over you, it’s like exchanging spiritual BFF necklaces.  It’s like part of the Christian code, I think.  Still.  I don’t come out of that prayer feeling very… protected.  By a hedge.  A hedge.

Over the Hedge.... OF PROTECTION.

2.    Prayers about my future spouse

Oooookay.  Can you see me rolling my eyes?  I feel very strongly about this one.  If God is going to bring a man into my life, can we just leave that up to Him please?  Are the details (the time, place, etc.) really that relevant to this prayer?  Truth:  I feel more uncomfortable about myself when you pray this prayer over me.  Do you think I’m somehow incomplete because I don’t have that “special someone” in my life (yet)?  What if it’s God’s will that I don’t get married?  Consider that.  And how about instead of praying over my future spouse’s purity, you pray about my purity?  And instead of praying that he is a “strong man of God,” you pray that I become a strong woman of God?   The friend or family member that prays this prayer obviously means well; however, if they insist on praying over my future spouse, I would much prefer they do that in private and not in front of me. 

Thanks, David Crowder Band.

3.    Saying “I’ll pray for you!” or “I’ll be praying for you!” all the time.

So this isn’t actually a prayer, but it’s close enough.  Why do people insist that they will pray for you, especially in a church setting, but they don’t actually just stop what they’re doing and pray right then and there?  It’s a little hypocritical of me to point this out because I don’t always do this, but I figure it’s worth mentioning.  I am trying to make an effort to just stop and pray with people instead of saying, “Oh, I’ll definitely be praying for you” only to end up forgetting that person even exists.  Think of how awesome it would be if someone just said to you in public “Can I pray for you? Like, right now?”  or “Let’s pray together” instead of just the usual “I’ll pray for you this week!”  For the few times this has happened to me, the love of Christ is SO OBVIOUS.  Think of how many people need this encouragement!  So many people need to know that God’s people DO care.  And, although praying in a public or semi-public place may seem scary, it will strengthen your faith exponentially. 

4.    The “just”

Have you ever been distracted when someone is praying because you are counting the number of times they say “just”?  Lord, just be in this place tonight.  Just let us feel your presence right now.  Clear our minds and just let us focus our hearts on You.  Just make our hearts right for worship.  Just.  JUST.  Not everyone is a just-er.  Some people like to repeat the word “and” which makes for very interesting, lengthy, run-on sentence prayers.  Some people repeat God’s name a bunch of times, which is cool I guess because He’s got one heck of a powerful name, but I’d be cautious of over-using God’s name, even in prayer.  Anyway, let’s learn not to pray like broken records. 

5.    Food Prayers

There’s not a lot that goes on during a prayer before a meal.  God bless this meal and the hands that prepared it. Amen.  OR you might be lucky enough to have one of those parents that looooves to drag out the meal prayer (just to make you salivate and die of hunger, probably).  And if you do, your dilemma is great:  You want to be a good Christian and focus on praying right along with your exceptionally righteous and apparently not hungry parent, but the whole time all you can think is FOOD OHMIGOSH FOOD.  How do I know about this?  Because it happens to me all.  The.  Time.  So this is my public apology for being rude and unspiritual.  I propose a compromise – How about I work on self-control some more, and we pray before the food is on the table in front of me…? 

6.    Praying and then doing absolutely nothing else

Okay, another thing I’m guilty of:  praying and then being idle.  In the church, we like to call this “leaving it in God’s hands” or “surrendering it to God.”  I like to call it bullcrap.  Here’s the thing I’ve learned over the past 21 years:  faith is useless if not supported by action.  It’s the old protestant versus catholic debate – what saves you?  Faith alone or good works?   Well, I do believe that faith alone is the basis of my salvation.  #protestantreformation .  However, this is NOT an excuse to sit around and do nothing.  You don’t just pray, you take action.  That means different things in different situations, but it’s just a general idea that seems to have been forgotten.  Not to burst anyone’s bubble, but *God is not a wish-granting factory.* 

Honestly, I could go on and on about this topic.  But you know what?  I’m guilty of almost every annoying prayer habit I can come up with.  So I’m going to work on not being a hypocrite AND not praying like a lousy, annoying Christian.  And you are most welcome to join me in these endeavors.