Barista Notes

Part I:  Why I’m Proud to Work at Gloria Jean’s

*CAUTION: Contains coffee nerd moments.*

I’ve spent the better part of the past three years learning how to prepare the best coffee in the world.  Do I work at Starbucks?  No.  Allow me to me tell you why I’m proud to work at good ol’ Gloria Jean’s (NOT Starbucks)…

-          Our espresso shots are hand-crafted, extracted, and poured.  No automatic machine necessary.  As a part of our barista training, all Gloria Jean’s employees learn the four signs of a perfect shot of espresso: the shot pours like honey, has a golden, caramel-colored crema, takes 25-27 seconds to pour, and a firm, solid puck of espresso is leftover at the end of the process.  Baristas at GJ know what they’re doing.  Next time you’re getting a latte at Starbucks, ask the barista about the four signs of a good shot of espresso.  Also, ask them why they need a machine to produce their shots for them.

 

-          In addition to our regular origin coffees, we have flavored coffees!  Classics like Hazelnut, Butter Toffee, and Vanilla Caramel make a perfect brew.  For the more adventurous coffee drinker, Blueberry Sunrise, Southern Pecan, and White Chocolate Strawberry are great flavors to explore.  Flavored coffees are not sweetened.  During the roasting process, the bean is infused with natural and artificial flavors.  These flavors are absorbed into the bean, which creates a flavorful brew.  We have a wide variety of flavors; there is something for everyone to enjoy!  During the holidays, Pumpkin Spice, Caramel Apple Nut, Sleigh Ride (white chocolate and peppermint), and many others are a great delight!

 

-          One lovely word:  Toddy.  This stuff is magical.  Toddy is basically coffee made from a cold-water brewing method.  To make toddy, coffee beans are coarsely ground and left to soak in cold water for twenty four hours.  What follows is the delicious, caffeinated goodness of toddy.  We use toddy as a base for some of our drinks, adding ice cream, milk, white chocolate, and other various ingredients for variety.  If that sounds too fattening (it is!), then try a basic iced toddy, which is simply toddy with cream/milk and sweetener.    

 

-          We use English.  If you ask for a “grande”, I am going to assume you are Mexican and you are asking for the large size.  Our menu reads “small (16 oz.), regular (24 oz.), and large (a whopping 32 oz.)”.  Yes, our sizes are bigger than Starbucks and most other coffee shops.  Deal with it.

 

-          There’s this revolutionary machine that is changing the way Americans drink coffee.  If you have ears, you’ve heard of the Kuerig machine, which brews single cups of coffee at a time.  It’s a simple, no-mess solution for those who only drink one or two cups a day.  To operate a Kuerig, you’ll need these fun little pods called “k-cups.”  GJ carries most of our flavors in k-cups for your convenience!

 

Honestly, I could go on and on about the benefits of working at a small coffee shop like Gloria Jean’s.  I absolutely love learning about the different coffees we have.  Furthermore, I am always amazed at the quality of our beverages and beans (I buy Butter Toffee, Mudslide, and Vanilla Caramel beans on a regular basis and my drink of choice is an iced white chocolate mocha with skim milk - yuuuum).  Sometimes, it can be frustrating to work for a small company because of the limited number of stores and less hours per work week, but the quality of Gloria Jean’s coffee is simply unmatched. 

Dear Starbucks, you're wrong.  A macchiato is a shot of espresso marked with a small amount of foamed milk. 

 

 

Part II:  You Are What You Drink

Because I am a barista, and have been for quite some time, I’ve developed this theory called “you are what you drink.”  Call me crazy, but I can usually predict what a person is going to order based on his or her general appearance/demeanor.  Let me give an example:  This lady walks in with her teenage daughter.  Both are petite, blond, tanned, and fit.  The mom has yoga pants on (when’s the last time you saw someone over forty wearing yoga pants?  This chick is legitimately in shape).  The mom orders a skinny vanilla latte – no foam.  The daughter gets a skinny iced chai latte, cinnamon on top – hold the whip.  Well, duuh. These people don’t mess around.  As a general rule, folks who order skinny drinks are either a) obviously overweight and they want to look good ordering a lighter option or b) they themselves are “skinny.”  Gotta maintain that figure.  You go, yoga pants mom.  Deprive yourself of any unnecessary fat and sugar.  You inspire me.  Stay strong.

Another scenario:  Two teenage boys walk in.  They are trying too hard to be hipster, judging from the tight skinny jeans, the beanies, and the scarves they are both wearing.  The first kid wants a latte. 

“You know that’s a hot drink, riiight?”  I kindly ask. 

“Oh, well, I mean, can I get it cold or…?”  He’s trying not to look flustered.  A latte is hot?  He knew that. 

“Sure, I can do an iced latte.  Any flavors in it?”

“Flavors.  Flavors.  Uh, what….”

“Caramel, vanilla, hazelnut – “

“CARAMEL.”

Friends, educate yourselves.  You can’t pretend to be hipsters and then not know what a latte is.  Seriously. 

Then there’s the scholarly type.  The professors, the lawyers, the business men. They want one of the following: black coffee, Earl Grey tea, or black coffee.  I’m not sure why, but professors looove Earl Grey tea.  Are you not officially a professor until you drink Earl Grey tea?  Is this part of their teaching contract?  Who is the Earl of Grey, anyway? These are the mysteries of life.  And of course, the black coffee people think they are hardcore.  They just want to say “I’ll have a black coffee” out loud, so everyone hears and automatically assumes they are die-hard.  Hi, I drink my coffee BLACK and I eat NAILS FOR BREAKFAST.

Another type is what I call the “coffee in disguise” drinker.  This person likes the feel of a coffee cup in his or her hand, but doesn’t actually like coffee all that much.  Maybe they genuinely think their drink qualifies as coffee, maybe they are just drink-cessorizing.  Nobody really knows, or cares to ask.  Regardless, this customer proudly orders the closest thing to a milkshake, with copious amounts of sugar and whipped cream.  Then they usually take a selfie with their newly acquired “coffee.”  Joke’s on them.  Five more of those and they are getting type two diabetes. 

I’m not trying to be racist, but foreigners usually get a double shot of espresso.  Don’t know why this is.  I hafta say, these people are pretty freaking awesome.     

My favorite type of customer is the one who shamelessly orders a large Chocolate Caramel Turtle, whipped cream and caramel, with an extra shot of espresso.  These are my people.  They vary in size and appearance, but you can usually distinguish them from other types because of their friendly, laid-back attitude.  They know what they want and they are all about coffee.  The “can you make that skinny?” people are always uptight about their order.  “Are you sure this is skim milk?  It tastes… wrong.” Would you like to pull up a chair and watch me make it again for you?  Nay, the customer who embraces his or her coffee craving knows how to do it right.  When you ask them if they would like toppings on their drink, they either laugh at you and say “of course!” or stare you down and say “If I’m going to do this, I’m going all the way.”  Word. 

 

Reflections on my First Day of College

Yesterday, my little brother (by “little”, I mean six foot one) started his freshman year of college at Olivet Nazarene University.  Since moving into his dorm about a week ago, my brother has hardly sent so much as a single-word text message to me...

He is extremely busy with new student orientation, ROTC activities, catching up on reading his syllabi, and playing random pickup games of basketball at the amazing recreation center on campus.  I know, I know - all of these things are tremendously vital to his education.  Although he is excited for his first day of class, my brother is more than a little bit nervous and definitely feeling overwhelmed.  This got me to thinking about the experience I had as a freshman.  I was feeling a bit nostalgic and started reminiscing about my first day of college classes. 

In retrospect, my first day of class at North Central College was utterly hilarious.   What I experienced on my first day is like something out of a bad sitcom, which probably got cancelled before it ever aired.  It went a little something like this…

 

• 7:45am – Kristin wakes up, spends way too long getting ready for class, then gathers her things and kisses mommy goodbye (yes, I lived at home for my freshman year).

• 8:45am – Kristin stops to get gas because she forgot to fill up her tank the night before. *facepalm* #commuterprobs.

• 9:00am – Kristin gets into a car accident en route to school (for those wondering, the accident is entirely her fault).

• 9:01am- Kristin sobs and sobs until she has no more tears left in her body, then calls her father while wiping snot from her nose.  She then has a conversation with the extremely ticked off female driver that she hit.  “Did you call 9-1-1?” the lady immediately asks, sounding pretty irritated.  I tell her the embarrassing truth with some hesitation:  “I… uh, I just called my dad, actually…”  Ticked off lady rolls her eyes and calls the cops, probably thinking that I am a stupid twenty-something without a job, still living at home.

• 9:20am – Kristin’s father, a bit angry, arrives on the scene to relieve Kristin of the situation and to take care of her poor, crushed up car (Kristin’s car is named Turtle).  Poor Turtle.

• 9:25am – Kristin drives her father’s car the rest of the way to school.  While driving, she calls the professor of her first class and tries to tell him, as casually as possible, that she just got into a car accident and will be late to his class.  Her first class at North Central College.  Ever.  Late. 

• 9:45am – Kristin arrives on campus and must battle for a parking spot.  She attempts to parallel park in her father’s car, but feels slightly inadequate as a driver and decides to park a block away from the school.
• 9:50am – Kristin deliberately goes to the bathroom in Wentz concert hall lobby (because it’s always the emptiest bathroom) and attempts to reapply her smudged make up.  She's still crying small tears of defeat.  By this time, her hair is also looking pretty shabby, but she tries not to think about it.  One problem at a time.

• 10:00am – Kristin arrives thirty minutes late to her first class, obviously humiliated.  Because of the fact that this is an honors class, all of the students are engaged in a riveting discussion.  When she walks in, the discussion halts for a brief minute.  There are no open seats in the front, which means Kristin has so sit in the back, making her look like even more of a loser.  Late.  The back row.  Honors class.  Stellar.

• 10:30am – Class ends.  Kristin flees the room. 

 

You’ve heard of Murphy’s Law?  Well, it obviously exists.  Everything that could go wrong DID go wrong. 

Considering the hardships I faced on my first day of classes, I’m pretty confident that my brother’s experience went better than mine.  And if he complains to me about not being able to find his calculus classroom, forgetting to print off a syllabus, or locking himself out of his dorm room, I’ll happily remind him of the day when I walked into the first day of an honors class thirty minutes late, looking like a hot mess. 

Breaking News

**THIS JUST IN:  I am allowed only one (1) bag of 50lbs or less on the flight to England. No, you did not misread that. ONE.  BAG.  Originally, I was under the impression that I am allowed two bags to be checked, one carry on, and one personal item (purse of some kind).  Some random chick on Facebook decided to post about baggage allowance, so I read her post and possibly tinkled in my pants when I discovered that American Airlines strictly adheres to the one checked bag rule.  Anything more and they’ll charge you like, twice the price of your ticket.  Okay, not that much, but still.  It’s a lot of money, which I don’t have.  So, here’s the dealio: one checked bag (<50lbs), one carry on and/or personal item to take on the plane.  I AM CRYING.  My clothes.  My toiletries.  My towels.  My shoes.  My school supplies.  My music.  My books.  Everything is not going to fit in one luggage piece less than 50lbs!!! Thanks, Obama. 

 

I guess you could say I’m royally screwed…  

 



 

This is what the situation looks like...

Jumping on the Blogwagon

This is my first blog.  However, this is not my first thought.  Thankfully, I am an experienced thinker, having practiced the art of thought since before I can remember.  Consequently, I am hoping to create an interesting blog by recording bits and pieces of my thought life, veteran thinker that I am.  What I am not trying to do is write a pensive, overly introspective, hipster blog with controversial topics, surprising life lessons, and tips on where to buy the best fair trade coffee.  I am not planning on covering the human condition, the metaphysical, the current state of the environment, or the government.  I am not going to analyze Austen’s Pride and Prejudice through a feminist lens (although the English major in me finds this enticing).  **If I do any of these things, please kick me off the Internet forever. ** Instead, I’d like to share a few random thoughts about growing up and how incredibly scary it is. 

A few things - I generally write for myself.  I enjoy the process.  Even as I write this paragraph, I am smiling, feeling all cool and sophisticated.  It’s odd, but I’ve never gotten over the thrill of writing.  Perhaps all those years of journaling through junior and senior high school are to blame.  I feel self-righteous and smug when I write something personal.  And by “personal” writing, I mean non-academic writing. Research papers, essays, and literary analyses are all familiar territory for me, but the personal essay, the occasional short story… these are where the real thrill of writing lies.  In a way, this blog is strictly a creative experiment.  But isn’t that where the fun comes in?

SO. If any of that made sense, I think I’m off to a decent start.  Stay tuned if you’re interested!