*CAUTION:
Contains coffee nerd moments.*
I’ve
spent the better part of the past three years learning how to prepare the best
coffee in the world. Do I work at
Starbucks? No. Allow me to me tell you why I’m proud to work
at good ol’ Gloria Jean’s (NOT Starbucks)…
-
Our espresso
shots are hand-crafted, extracted, and poured.
No automatic machine necessary.
As a part of our barista training, all Gloria Jean’s employees learn the
four signs of a perfect shot of espresso: the shot pours like honey, has a
golden, caramel-colored crema, takes 25-27 seconds to pour, and a firm, solid puck
of espresso is leftover at the end of the process. Baristas at GJ know what they’re doing. Next time you’re getting a latte at
Starbucks, ask the barista about the four signs of a good shot of espresso. Also, ask them why they need a machine to
produce their shots for them.
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In addition to
our regular origin coffees, we have flavored coffees! Classics like Hazelnut, Butter Toffee, and
Vanilla Caramel make a perfect brew. For
the more adventurous coffee drinker, Blueberry Sunrise, Southern Pecan, and
White Chocolate Strawberry are great flavors to explore. Flavored coffees are not sweetened. During the roasting process, the bean is
infused with natural and artificial flavors.
These flavors are absorbed into the bean, which creates a flavorful
brew. We have a wide variety of flavors;
there is something for everyone to enjoy!
During the holidays, Pumpkin Spice, Caramel Apple Nut, Sleigh Ride
(white chocolate and peppermint), and many others are a great delight!
-
One lovely word: Toddy.
This stuff is magical. Toddy is basically
coffee made from a cold-water brewing method.
To make toddy, coffee beans are coarsely ground and left to soak in cold
water for twenty four hours. What
follows is the delicious, caffeinated goodness of toddy. We use toddy as a base for some of our drinks,
adding ice cream, milk, white chocolate, and other various ingredients for
variety. If that sounds too fattening
(it is!), then try a basic iced toddy, which is simply toddy with cream/milk
and sweetener.
-
We use English. If you ask for a “grande”, I am going to
assume you are Mexican and you are asking for the large size. Our menu reads “small (16 oz.), regular (24
oz.), and large (a whopping 32 oz.)”.
Yes, our sizes are bigger than Starbucks and most other coffee
shops. Deal with it.
-
There’s this revolutionary
machine that is changing the way Americans drink coffee. If you have ears, you’ve heard of the Kuerig
machine, which brews single cups of coffee at a time. It’s a simple, no-mess solution for those who
only drink one or two cups a day. To
operate a Kuerig, you’ll need these fun little pods called “k-cups.” GJ carries most of our flavors in k-cups for
your convenience!
Honestly,
I could go on and on about the benefits of working at a small coffee shop like
Gloria Jean’s. I absolutely love
learning about the different coffees we have.
Furthermore, I am always amazed at the quality of our beverages and
beans (I buy Butter Toffee, Mudslide, and Vanilla Caramel beans on a regular
basis and my drink of choice is an iced white chocolate mocha with skim milk -
yuuuum). Sometimes, it can be frustrating
to work for a small company because of the limited number of stores and less hours
per work week, but the quality of Gloria Jean’s coffee is simply unmatched.
Dear Starbucks, you're wrong. A macchiato is a shot of espresso marked with a small amount of foamed milk.
Part
II: You Are What You Drink
Because
I am a barista, and have been for quite some time, I’ve developed this theory
called “you are what you drink.” Call me
crazy, but I can usually predict what a person is going to order based on his
or her general appearance/demeanor. Let
me give an example: This lady walks in
with her teenage daughter. Both are
petite, blond, tanned, and fit. The mom
has yoga pants on (when’s the last time you saw someone over forty wearing yoga
pants? This chick is legitimately in
shape). The mom orders a skinny vanilla
latte – no foam. The daughter gets a
skinny iced chai latte, cinnamon on top – hold the whip. Well, duuh. These people don’t mess around. As a general rule, folks who order skinny
drinks are either a) obviously overweight and they want to look good ordering a
lighter option or b) they themselves are “skinny.” Gotta maintain that figure. You go, yoga pants mom. Deprive yourself of any unnecessary fat and
sugar. You inspire me. Stay strong.
Another
scenario: Two teenage boys walk in. They are trying too hard to be hipster, judging
from the tight skinny jeans, the beanies, and the scarves they are both
wearing. The first kid wants a
latte.
“You know that’s a hot drink, riiight?” I kindly ask.
“Oh, well, I mean, can I get it cold or…?” He’s trying not to look flustered. A latte is hot? He knew
that.
“Sure, I can do an iced latte. Any flavors in it?”
“Flavors.
Flavors. Uh, what….”
“Caramel, vanilla, hazelnut – “
“CARAMEL.”
Friends,
educate yourselves. You can’t pretend to
be hipsters and then not know what a latte is.
Seriously.
Then
there’s the scholarly type. The professors,
the lawyers, the business men. They want one of the following: black coffee,
Earl Grey tea, or black coffee. I’m not
sure why, but professors looove Earl Grey tea.
Are you not officially a professor until you drink Earl Grey tea? Is this part of their teaching contract? Who is the Earl of Grey, anyway? These are
the mysteries of life. And of course,
the black coffee people think they are hardcore. They just want to say “I’ll have a black
coffee” out loud, so everyone hears and automatically assumes they are
die-hard. Hi, I drink my coffee BLACK and I eat NAILS FOR BREAKFAST.
Another
type is what I call the “coffee in disguise” drinker. This person likes the feel of a coffee cup in
his or her hand, but doesn’t actually like coffee all that much. Maybe they genuinely think their drink
qualifies as coffee, maybe they are just drink-cessorizing. Nobody really knows, or cares to ask. Regardless, this customer proudly orders the closest
thing to a milkshake, with copious amounts of sugar and whipped cream. Then they usually take a selfie with their
newly acquired “coffee.” Joke’s on
them. Five more of those and they are getting
type two diabetes.
I’m
not trying to be racist, but foreigners usually get a double shot of espresso. Don’t know why this is. I hafta say, these people are pretty freaking
awesome.
My
favorite type of customer is the one who shamelessly orders a large Chocolate
Caramel Turtle, whipped cream and caramel, with an extra shot of espresso. These are my people. They vary in size and appearance, but you can
usually distinguish them from other types because of their friendly, laid-back
attitude. They know what they want and
they are all about coffee. The “can you
make that skinny?” people are always uptight about their order. “Are you sure this is skim milk? It tastes… wrong.” Would you like to pull up a chair and watch me make it again for
you? Nay, the customer who embraces
his or her coffee craving knows how to do it right. When you ask them if they would like toppings
on their drink, they either laugh at you and say “of course!” or stare you down
and say “If I’m going to do this, I’m going all the way.” Word.
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