I’m supposed to be writing an essay (write) now

On this rainy Thursday evening in England, I am feeling really helpless because my piano is not around (couldn’t fit it in my luggage) and I want to make music more than anything in the world right this instant.  Alas, I live in a dismal apartment without so much as a radio.  And I don’t really feel like walking to campus in the rain to search for a practice room.  So I am doing my second most favourite thing – writing. 

This weather is quite perfect for snuggling up with a good book, which is what I’ve been doing for the past hour or so.  The book I’m currently reading is for my Ethnic American Literature class and it’s called My Antonia.  It’s turned out to be more enjoyable than I expected.  I love when that happens.  Reading for class can be such a pain.  Take, for example, Thoreau’s Walden.  Pretty sure I would rather pick up pieces of crushed cereal from off of the carpet than read Thoreau’s detailed reflection on what it means to be alive.  Yawn.

The point of this blog post is to keep me distracted and help me avoid writing my essay.  So far, this is working quite nicely.  Actually, there are two (2) essays that I need to write for next week.  But I’m using this time to let my brain catch up with the rest of my body.  This has been an uneventful week, yet somehow I’m still behind in terms of mental organization.  I’ve never been so scatter-brained in all my life.  On the other hand, it’s sort of freeing to just sit here and let my thoughts flow in whatever random direction they decide to wander.  I can almost hear each word in my head before it comes out through my fingers onto the page.  This probably sounds like I’m on some sort of drug.  And maybe I am.  Maybe it’s the Living in England drug that I’ve been OD-ing on… sorry-not-sorry.  I can do whatever I want here.  I can be whoever I want to be.  Nobody knows me here.  I’m not Kristin; I’m just some random student among thousands.  It’s all so refreshing. 

This song reminds me of my mom.  When it plays, I can hear her at the creaking piano bench; I can see her fingers expertly gliding across the keys.  Her music would fill the house and seep into every corner of the building before fading away into the air.  She would play this back when I was a youngster still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of a piano.  In those days, I would stare in awe as she improvised soft interludes and picked out her favourite tunes by ear.  Back then, she would usually play before and after dinner.  That’s when the family was always home together.  It warms my heart to think of those days.  As I grew older, she taught me to play duets with her.  We still break out those old duets sometimes when I’m home from school.  What a privilege to grow up in a musical household.  I will always treasure those days. 

I’m going to bed now. 

Semi-Serious Post

Have you ever found yourself on the outskirts of the life of a friend who was once very close to you?  This has happened to me a few different times, and with different people that I hold close to my heart.  Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter make it hard for me to escape the memories of a lost friend.  Pictures, videos, and status updates offer bits and pieces of a life with which I was once involved.  Severing ties with a dear friend always involves lots of hurt and confusion.  Sometimes, this lost friend becomes a mere acquaintance; sometimes this lost friend simply fades into the past and becomes a stranger. 

Because I’m so far away, I feel disconnected from one of my friends back home who needs me.  This friend may or may not miss me while I’m here, but I feel obligated to check up on this friend and make sure this person is doing okay.  Maybe I’m exaggerating my own importance; this person is probably doing just fine without me.  But that won’t stop me from worrying and praying for her.

Why am I so sentimental?  I suppose living in a foreign country has made me especially reflective.  There are the really high moments when I feel like I’m walking on air.  Then there are the lower moments when I feel homesick or just sad for no good reason.  It’s a strange set of emotions.  Once I settle into a schedule, perhaps I’ll get back to normal old me.  At least these dramatic mood swings make for interesting blog posts!

On a significantly less emotional note, I am adjusting to life in Canterbury fairly well.  It still feels like a vacation, even though school has started up.  I wonder if I’ll ever come back here after my term is finished.  This would be a lovely place to live.  Can’t say I haven’t considered it for my future…

Life is not the same without my family and friends from back home.  I miss them dearly.  However, the homesickness comes in tiny bursts and then suddenly disappears again.  It’s not like a terrible, constant pain that I have to live with every day.  It’s more of a “oh, I wish so-and-so were here to experience this with me!”  Obviously, I miss my family, but somehow, I am oddly comfortable with being away from home.  I expected it to be much worse for me.  Homebody that I am, I figured I would be crying and eating my weight in chocolate by the two-week marker.  Thankfully, this has not happened yet (I don’t think all of the UK combined would not have enough to chocolate to satisfy my cravings, haha). 

Believe it or not, I am finding it difficult to imagine myself ever leaving this place.  The university here is absolutely brilliant.  CCCU makes NCC look like a community college from rural Illinois.  It’s kind of sad, actually.  The library here is state-of-the-art.  The music facilities are about equal to what I have back home (in terms of practice and performance space at NCC).  And so far my tutors are all very intelligent and interesting.  The only major difference (and it is a MAJOR difference) is the class size and overall student population.  CCCU’s student population is about 27,000, which is greater than the actual resident population of Canterbury.  NCC’s student body is roughly 3,000.  So you can imagine how intimidating that was and continues to be for me and my fellow Americans! 

Anyway, I’ve rattled on enough about my life.  I promised myself I would update this blog instead of just my travel blog (see previous post… yes, it’s supposed to be a joke).  The travel blog is mainly for recording day to day activities and adventures, posting pictures for those who don’t have Facebook, etc.  This blog is more of a personal blog and I prefer to keep it that way.  Like I mentioned, I don’t want to feel like I have to write about a certain topic when I’m posting here.  The travel blog is for professors, teachers, family, and friends back home.  I’m not gonna lie, its main purpose is to keep me from having to answer the same questions about my travels over and over again.  Don’t get me wrong, I love retelling my stories and adventures!  But I don’t plan on doing that often.  The general rule is: If you want to Skype me, read my blog post first so I don’t have to answer unnecessary questions.  Sounds really cold, but Skyping people from home is surprisingly draining, both emotionally and mentally. 

Okay, now I’m really gonna stop.  Until next time!

Here’s what I've been listening to while writing this post:

The Civil Wars - To Whom it May Concern

Cheers!

An Open Letter of Apology to My First Blog

Dear First Blog,

I am sorry that I have been neglecting you lately.  I didn’t mean to ignore you; I didn’t forget you!  Honestly, I just need to tell you the truth about what’s going on.  So, here goes…

I started another blog.  This has nothing to do with you.  Don’t think you’re inadequate or anything like that.  I just… I needed some space.  Moving to another country and all, I felt very strongly that I needed to branch out and do my own thing.  So, I started a travel blog. 

This travel blog is NOT meant to replace you.  You will always be my first blog.  For that reason, you hold a special place in my heart.  Don’t ever forget it!

Lately, I’ve been plagued with guilt.  I keep thinking about you and how I should write a new post to fill your empty webpages, but I haven’t had the time.  The travel blog is so needy – he takes up all of my time!  Documenting my daily adventures is a long and sometimes difficult process.  I remember when I used to write new posts for you; those posts were always fun to dream up.  I wasn’t confined to any certain topic or genre.  Now, with this travel blog, I have to write specifically about my travels and classes abroad.  How annoying is that?  Seriously.  It’s almost like he’s using me for my adventures.

Anyway, the point of this letter is to ask for your forgiveness.  I was wrong to abandon you for so long.  Please, can you find it in your programmed, electronic heart to forgive me?  Will you take me back?  I’d love to write for you again.  I’ll write about anything you want.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  Just say you want me back, and I’ll be here for you.

Yours always,

Kristin